snimka_2In the light of my exam period (which is stressing the hell out of me) I started searching for ways to relax myself after endless hours spent with financial textbooks. Having drunk more than 2 l of coke and several coffees a day, I found myself at about 2 am every night no closer to sleep but absolutely unable to memorize anything more. Thus, I looked for things to do until sleep rescued me from my insomnia.

Reading (surprisingly) was out of the question. When you spend 12 hours a day reading, the last thing you want to do at 2 am is read again. Even if it is the most interesting novel ever. Movies? After watching movies three nights in a row I got bored. Facebooking? People seem not to be very active after midnight (don’t they have exam?) so this was pretty boring as well. Finally, I started looking through my folders for old forgotten pictures, weird documents, funny presentations, etc. And then I found it. The folder titled “The Book”. Last modified July, 2010. The book I bragged to everyone, who was willing to listen that I am going to write. Like most of the things I start and never finish. My first literary attempt was staring at me from the computer desktop. I had written 1 chapter. 1 chapter for all the bragging I had done. Shame on me.

I read the chapter and believe me I didn’t recognize the person, who has written it. Had I changed so much for the past 6 months or is it normal for an author not to recognize his voice after a certain period of time? But the period of time was only 6 months? So I disregarded my second proposition and sticked to the first one – I had changed a lot. Thus I needed a new book. A new start.

I deleted the whole folder and I started over again. Slowly but surely, for the past three nights I have written three chapters. I have noticed that inspiration always hits me at about 2am and lasts till about 6am. I can never write during the day.

I have changed the whole concept of the book I am about to write (hopefully). First, I decided to write it from 1st person point of view. Now it is 3rd person point of view. First I decided to write it chronologically. Now it is a mixture of going backward and forward. First, I wanted to keep the original names of all people. Now I am changing them.

Obviously you realized it is going to be a story about me. About my life. Or most specifically, about a certain period of my life. I am not sure whether someone will be interested in reading about me. Even if it is in 3rd person point of view. But I feel that I want to share it. I feel that I want to show what I have learned through my numerous mistakes. I want to show how many times I have fallen down and how I managed to get up. Even if one person finds wisdom in my writing, I will feel I have reached my purpose.

There is only one problem with my book. I know the beginning. I know what I want to say in the middle. But I don’t know the end. I think I am very far from the end, actually. So I will keep writing until I feel I know the answer to what the ending should be. I will revise and change and one day I hope I will see my writing attempts in someone else’s library.